At the end of 2017 three people I dated in months and years past decided to pop up on me. I briefly entertained conversations with all three.
One of them came back smack dab in the middle of holiday season. This is the time when engagement announcements are at an all-time high. Everyone is going to the company holiday party with Bae in coordinating apparel. Cute couple pictures abound. I have to admit that the holiday season is a bit of a tough one for me. I attend events alone and people want to get all in my business.
“You’re not married yet?” asked one party goer.
“Oh, I can set you up with my brother,” said another.
In any case, this man popped up on me and I engaged in conversation that I had previously avoided. He was kind and polite and shared with me his most recent accomplishments. He was closing on a new home soon and progressing in his career. He was traveling to Los Angeles to attend Kobe Bryant’s retirement ceremony. He bragged and sweet talked as if everything was on the up and up. My mind started to deceive me. Maybe I had misjudged him. He had potential to be a good partner. Maybe I should give it another try. We discussed it. I said I was open and interested in dating again. I immediately regretted it.
Where was this new desire to enter a relationship so suddenly coming from? I wasn’t desperate, nor was I looking for love. I didn’t call him. I wasn’t even thinking about this person until one of the nosey Christmas party attendees got all in my business. That conversation had me all in my feelings and made me think I was off track.
After the second conversation with this person of interest I fell back. I didn’t speak to him for two weeks, mostly because I remembered why I stopped dating this man in the first place. As sweet and charming as he could be he was also a bit of a narcissist, hence all of the soft bragging that was present in the initial phone call. He reminded me of someone I once knew. Red flag. He showed signs of being controlling and/or manipulative. Red flag. The frequency of his phone calls and texts were a bit alarming at times. Red flag. The content of phone conversations lacked depth. I got the sense that he didn’t respect my personal boundaries. Red flag. He lived out of state. The list continued and the pros did not outweigh the cons.
Then I came across this Transformation Church sermon series on YouTube about #RelationshipGoals. The second sermon in the series is titled Single, Not Alone and honey it BLESSED me. It helped remind me of myself and my own life goals. It encouraged me to refocus my restless energy on my own spiritual growth, mental and emotional awareness, physical health, and personal goals & hobbies. It also reminded me to have fun and live more during this single season. I started to rewrite my life goals and I saw this pop up for the distraction that it was.
If you are starving then you may be easily enticed with someone else’s scraps. I was. That is why I second guessed my previous decision with this person of interest. When I became still and was able to reconnect with God and myself my heart was filled. My soul was nourished. Then I felt strong like a tree that is planted by the water. Not easily moved.
Guard your heart against the pop up Sis and be blessed because you are. Same goes for the Bros.
Oh and whether you are single or married, if you haven’t already, check out that Transformation Church sermon series about #RelationshipGoals. Let’s discuss!