W.I.S.H.S. is an acronym for What I Should Have Said.  In this section I’ll be sharing snippets of conversations that I have had with all kinds of people. Instead of writing what I actually said, I’ll write what I should have said. It’s my literal adaptation of the poem Split  by Nayyirah Waheed. Read the poem and the convos below.

you can not





what you want to say(who you really are).

and what you should say(who you pretend to be).

Your mouth was not designed to eat itself.



poem. from salt. by nayyirah waheed


Him: Do you think you deserve a Valentine’s day gift?

Me: Oh my dear, I am deserving of much more than any gift you could ever give me.


Him: I want to name my first child LeBran. Like LeBron but with an ‘A’

Me: Do you always aim this low?


Him: You straight?

Me: I’m good

Him: I didn’t ask you if you were good. I asked you if you were straight.

Me: I am heterosexual and I am NEVER having sex with you. EVER.


Her: I thought her outfit was trashy. (referencing Beyonce’s attire during the Super Bowl 50 halftime performance)

Me: She was literally wearing a leotard and tights. That is the standard dance/performance uniform and has been for over a century. You would see the same thing at a gymnastics competition, the American Ballet Theatre or even Cirque Du Soleil. What makes it trashy here? Oh right, NOTHING. You’re attempting to discredit her by calling her trashy all because you don’t agree with her message. Just come all out with it. Put on your MAGA hat and be out because I don’t have time.


Him: Have you ever considered being an escort? A lot of men would pay good money just to be in your company.

Me: And have to waste more of my time in the company of creeps like you? No, thank you.

Also Me: BARF


Person A: You have a lot of rules.

Me: Nah G. I set boundaries and communicate expectations.


Random guy at basketball game: I’ve never had a FEMALE tell me she wasn’t interested.

Me: you must not have been listening. See also, you’re lying.


Person A: Do you believe in me?

Me: I believe that you are capable of great things like every human being. I also believe that you are wasting my time.