Name Your Non-Negotiables

“Would you be ok with a guy using a Groupon to pay for your first date?”

That is the question that one of my friends asked of me. I am a self proclaimed Cheapo Chiquita, Frugal Franny and Penny Pinching Patrice. I love a good deal. I told her that I would be fine with it. I like Groupons because they make for economical and enjoyable outings. She told me that I needed to raise my standards. I was slightly offended by her response at the time, but now I kind of agree with her.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about building the type of life you want. This includes building the relationships you want. One book that I’m reading suggests that one should visualize their ideal relationships. You should be able to clearly define the type of relationship you want and the experience and fulfillment it provides. Then you can manifest it. When it comes to romantic relationships I’m often asked what it is that I am looking for in a partner and what I want out of the relationship. I’ve never really felt comfortable answering those questions because I never took the time to find the right answers for me. I was kind of floating around thinking, “I’ll know it when I feel it.” WRONG. Well, not entirely but this type of floating or drifting leaves a lot of room for error. When it comes to dating that error can lead to heartache.

I have decided that I am done with the drifting. I intend to be very clear on what it is that I want going forward. I have put together a list of non negotiable qualities that I am seeking in a mate.

1.Must be a glass half full type of person. Positive vibes, positive speech, encouraging spirit.
2. Upwardly mobile. That isn’t necessarily a monetary thing. It’s more about willingness to learn, grow and expand. I am expanding and open. I want to be with someone who is also expanding and open.
3. A heavy lifter. They need to be willing to put forth some real effort. Anyone can give you a trinket or speak sweet nothings. Both of those things are meaningless. A trinket is a trinket because it is of little or no value. I want someone who is willing to put in some real work for me. Go beyond the surface. Dig deeper and be willing to go through some heavy emotional labor.
4. A servant first. This person is a good, faithful and humble servant with a good attitude. A giver. I’m learning that relationships are more about adding value and being of service to your partner. I’m working at this and I want to be with someone who is of the same mindset and is actively working on adjusting their mindset.
5. Communicative. We’ve got to be able to talk things out. I also need for you to call me if you’re interested in starting and/or maintaining a relationship with me. Texts only ain’t happening over here Bih. Also, taking facetime calls sporadically
6. Financially savvy. You need to know where your money is coming from and going to. Credit score must be good. Pay your bills within the grace period.
7. A champion. You operate from position of victory rather than a position of victimization. You understand that we all fall short of the glory of God in some way, shape or form. There are things we could have done, experiences we could have had, but you don’t dwell on those. You push through life with confidence in God, worrying only about the things you can affect.
8. You RESPECT ALL WOMEN. LISTEN. This shouldn’t be this far down the list. You know what, this list is not in any particular order. I’m just writing, but this right here is a MUST. Respect all women and respect the whole woman. Not just the pretty ones or the thin ones or the fair skinned ones or the ones with degrees or the ones with long hair or the ones with natural hair. RESPECT ALL WOMEN despite the fact that you may disagree with whatever choices they make for themselves. If you don’t, then I don’t have time.
9. A person of high integrity. Doing the right thing legally, morally & spiritually. Focusing on those things which are noble, just and true. If you’re confused that means no backbiting, stealing, gossiping or other worthless strife or fighting. I hate those things and I will not participate or be yolked to someone who engages.
10. More altruistic than not. Also see items one, three and four. Narcissists need not apply.
11. Can put it all down and have a good time. You can laugh at yourself and with others. Dance at a party. Relax. We don’t have to debate serious topics like politics, economics and religion all the time. That gets old really fast.
12. In good health/health conscious. You take care of yourself: body, mind and spirit.
13. Practicing christian. Developing a relationship with God and maintaining that relationship outside of the Sunday morning service.
14. Good hygiene practices. You are clean and you smell good 90% of the time. During that other 10% you’re probably working outside or at the gym and far away from me.
15. Takes Responsibility…..for your actions and your own happiness.

I think I covered all the things that are important to me. I mean ideally I also want my partner to be tall and handsome and intelligent, but I’m flexible.

What are some of your non-negotiables when considering a potential friend, mate, or business partner?

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